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I am 24 years of age, not married, however I am engaged.

I am 24 years of age, not married, however I am engaged. On the 4th April 2019 I did a home pregnancy test and found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. 2 days later I was experiencing some discomforting pain in my Tummy and later that day I started bleeding. I thought I had lost my baby and was shattered. Thereafter I went to the doctor to get an ultrasound done. Ultrasound went well, doctor said the sack was still intact and was looking healthy and 1 in every 10 women does experience bleeding during pregnancy.. I was told to take a lot of rest and not strain my body, which I adhered. 1 month later I started bleeding again, and went back to the doctor. Upon an ultrasound being done, the sack was no longer intact, it had split in 2. hearing the doctor say I am sorry, you had lost your baby, shattered my whole world. All I could do was lay on the bed and cry. All he could tell me was At least you know you're fertile and you'd be able to convince again. That was not something I wanted to hear, it's not something anyone wants to hear. I cry myself to sleep every night, knowing that there isn't anyone I can talk to to explain my heart ache to, not even my fiance. Not 1 day did he ask me how I was coping or managing, sometimes I used to breakdown while sitting with him and all he used to tell me was I need to stop crying like, it doesn't solve any of my problems. I did try speaking to him and all he could ever say was, it will get better don't stress. Nothing gets better, it's 3 weeks now that I had a mis and I feel absolutely lost, alone cold and disappointed. Knowing I went thru the early stages of pregnancy, dealing with the morning sickness and the cravings and here I am not pregnant anymore. I hate myself for not being able to carry that baby for 9 months. I hate myself for not knowing if it was going to be a boy or a girl. From the time I found I was pregnant, I couldn't wait to have the baby bump and feel the first kick, I anticipated the arrival of my baby and how I was going to bring him /her up. I looked forward to everything and my world was crushed.. Everyday I question myself as to why, why me, when this was all I ever wanted for the past 2 years.. I pray everyday that 1 day my heart will be healed.

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