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22 years It's been 22 years

22 years It's been 22 years.... 22 years since my hopes and dreams for my unborn son came to a crashing halt, 22 years since the ultrasound tech told us she couldn't find a heartbeat, 22 years since my high risk OB told me he was sorry and "next time" they would do things differently, 22 years since I knew there would be no "next time" due to my infertility struggles, ...22 years since I checked into the hospital to deliver my dead son...22 years since they handed me my son and I held his lifeless body, 22 years since the nurse told me the law doesn't recognize my son as a "human", since he was born at 19 weeks gestation, and no birth/death certificate was necessary, 22 years since we requested to see a hospital priest and asked him to bless our lifeless son, 22 years since the priest asked if our son was "already dead" and when we nodded our heads he abruptly said "it's too late", 22 years since the nurse asked if we wanted to make burial arrangements and in our grief we had no idea what to do, 22 years since she told us the hospital "would take care of it", 22 years since I returned home from the hospital with empty arms, 22 years since well meaning loved ones told us "maybe it wasn't meant to be"...It's been 22 years and suddenly it feels like yesterday, it's been 22 years and I find myself drawn to the drawer that holds the pile of papers from that day, it's been 22 years and I begin to cry as I read the information, it's been 22 years and I'm nervously calling the cemetery for the first time, it's been 22 years and I'm told my son was buried along with 39 other "fetuses" who were "collected" from the hospital over a 5 month period, it's been 22 years and I wonder if the woman on the phone is puzzled by my soft sobs, it's been 22 years and I can't bring myself to visit the place where she told me he is buried, it's been 22 years and the painful memories are still present and forever etched into my mind...soon it will be 23 years...

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