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I am writing this in great pain as I have miscarried my first ever pregnancy.

Good afternoon, I am writing this in great pain as I have miscarried my first ever pregnancy. My story starts from 4 years ago when I thought I met the man I was going to marry. I was in love with him so I thought and was ready to start a family. Started out trying to conceive naturally with no luck so I began the process of getting myself checked out to see if there was a problem with me. Turns out there was nothing wrong with me and the next step was to get my partner checked out, well he refused to get checked out and not to long after that I discovered that he was cheating on me. This in turn turned my whole world upside down and I behaved badly by just giving up on life, not caring what happened to me. I started partying and got heavy into meth. My life went from bad to just pathetic, one day I found myself on the side of the road with a messed up car once again. I reached out to my amazing aunt with a heavy heart, shame, and regrets that I let myself get this bad. She suggested that I go to rehab, reluctant at first but I ended up going to rehab for 8 months. After getting out I went through some very emotional days of struggling through the temptations of going to my old life of partying and doing drugs. For months I went through this rollercoaster ride until the man of my dreams walked into my life. He is everything I prayed for while I was in rehab. We both have been through some rough and challenging relationships in the past, and very soon we both knew we were meant to be together forever. He proposed to me in February 2022 while I had COVID. We both knew we wanted kids so it just came naturally to start trying as we are head over hills in love with each other. After months of not getting pregnant I found myself at the doctor's again to get a second opinion as the man I'm with now has two children so I believed there should not have been a problem. Doctors told me again that there is no reason why I should not be able to get pregnant, so again resorted to getting my love checked out which he agreed to. After getting a seamon analysis done doctors said that there was a slim to no chance of him being able to get me pregnant. At first I was angry and confused, going through a rollercoaster of emotions for several months I realized finally that these emotions were hindering me through going on with my life and making the best of what I had with my amazing love of my life, so I made peace with it and went on with making our lives better not expecting to ever get pregnant. When we found out we were pregnant on December 28th 2022 we were elated excited to have the child we both want so badly. We were excited enough to start planning for our bright future by thinking of baby names, starting a savings account, preparing to lower our bills for the event I might not be able to work in the near future. We had thought and talked through it all especially how we were going to provide and care for our child. The morning of January 18 2023 I started spotting a little which I was not to concerned about as I had spotted before after making love to my soon to be husband. It became concerning on the morning of January 19 2023 when I started bleeding more with evidence of tissue coming out. That morning I found out our little peanut didn't have a heartbeat anymore and that we were miscarrying, we both started crying as this was the last thing we wanted to hear. Now I feel cheated and mad how could I go through everything I went through be totally clean be very much in love and still not produce a healthy baby.

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